Chris Nelson

Slow Bus to Chingford was terrible; comfortably the worst episode of the series so far. However when I re-read my review, I realised I wasn’t as harsh as I should have been. In the interests of being fair I think I might have praised the highlights too much and not been nearly hard enough on the turgid, cold morass that made up most of the scenes. With that said however, whether I’m being over analytical (very likely) or not I feel I missed a subtle piece of character development because of how poorly executed the episode was. In the discussion between Del and Grandad about the latter’s stint as a Security Guard (the undoubted peak moment), Del made reference to the fact Grandad had been some sort of small time crook in his younger days. At the denouement then we saw Grandad had almost successfully pulled off a con, getting Del to pay him for a job he hadn’t done in distributing the leaflets and winning a rigged bet off the back of that. It wasn’t especially well executed but it was a demonstration of why, besides sentiment, Del would keep Grandad involved in his own dodgy dealings and perhaps where Del got some of his own conman qualities from. That shouldn’t take away from the fact the episode was a real low point and has made me nervous all over again for this project!

Nevertheless, we shall continue with an episode I remember seeing once as kid, without fully appreciating it’s historical context. Let’s see shall we?

Episode 6: The Russians are Coming

Original Airdate 13th October 1981

8.8 Million Viewers

Running time: 30 Minutes

This was the last episode of the first series proper (episode 7 being a Christmas special that aired later in 1981) so I’m sure all concerned would have been delighted with a significant leap in the viewing figures, the strongest showing since the pilot. I wonder if anyone at this stage realised what a cultural phenomenon they had on their hands though?

We open on a rubble strewn wasteland (well, any vacant lot on an industrial estate really, they look much the same even now) as the three wheeled van pulls up. The first thing I must note is Rodney is wearing an awesome scarf that I am quite jealous of.

Del is proudly showing a less than enthusiastic Rodney a pile of rubble he’s just bought for £100, but Del points out he can sell it on to builders at a profit. The rubble comes from a demolished fabricators plant, where they made pre-fab buildings, so tied up in the rubble is all sorts of useful stuff, including around 3 tonnes of lead, which Rodney values to around £1000! It seems like Del has struck a genuinely good beneficial deal for once, until Rodney queries whether the goods are stolen.

Rodney: Is it ours Del?
Del: ‘Course it is!
R: Legally Del?
D: Don’t split hairs Rodney! Come on!

Del and Grandad end up lugging all of the gear into the flat all the while Rodney is flicking through a booklet that came with the boxes they’ve carried up. It turns out they’ve actually bought a DIY Nuclear Fallout Shelter. Del is delighted as he thinks the scare of nuclear war will mean they can charge more for it, but Rodney wants to build it. He points out how close things have come to nuclear war in the past and how nobody knows what to do in the event of the bomb dropping. No one even knows what the 4 minute warning sounds like! Del is still keen to sell, pointing out what they could do with £1000, but Rodney is convinced this is important.

Del humours Rodney for a moment and asks where they could put it. Grandad suggests the New Forest, they’ve always wanted a holiday home, but that’s not exactly practical to get to if you have 4 minutes to total annihilation. Rodney suggests Grandad’s allotment  as a ocation (first time that’s been mentioned), but Del isn’t convinced, the traffic would make it impossible to get there in time. Rodney is keen to try it though and wants to do a dummy run.

This of course leads to the trio tearing down to the van with the clock ticking, Rodney keeping them informed of where the missiles would be were the warning sounding. They take off at high speed in the van, nearly causing an accident and soon getting pulled over by the police, but fortunately Del knows the officer, Eric.

60mph in a built up area? What’s that about? You hear the 4 minute warning or something?

Del is worried about getting a ticket but is saved by his friendship with Eric, who wants to know if Del can get his hands on any cheap summer gear for a family holiday to Corfu. Interesting that Del, with his extreme aversion to police officers is so friendly with one, but Eric I guess would pass Del’s test as someone prepared to overlook his small-time dealings. After the police leave, Del asks Rodney how they’re doing for time.

We died 45 seconds ago

Grandad has a suggestion for where they could put the shelter though and it’s obviously a good one because the next thing we see is the shelter built and all three inside. They’re having a weekend in there to iron out the wrinkles in the plan to use it in the event of war. Del is still pining after his £1000 though. Things then take a very different and unexpected turn.

Del suggests the UK should drop the bomb on Russia and not tell declare war so as to get a head start. Rodney points out that this is symptomatic of ruthless mercenaries like him. It turns out he even sold paving stones to kids in the Brixton Riots! Del says he knows the lads he sold them to, they’re frustrated.

Del: Modern society has denied them the birthright of a war!
Rodney: I don’t believe you! Are you saying was is our birthright?
D: Yes it is! For century after century every generation of British youth has been guaranteed a decent war. That sort of ‘over the top of the trenches’ courage is obsolete because the next war is going to be fought by computer programs! See that’s what’s frustrating the modern youth. You can see them down the amusement arcade doing National Service on Space Invaders! [Grandad looks haunted in the background] That sort of real war that I’m talking about. Errol Flynn leading the gallant 600 into the valley of death. John Mills marooned in a dinghy. Kenneth Moore refusing to let a little thing like having no legs get him down. Glorious, valiant war that!
Grandad: [Furious] Don’t talk like a berk Del!
D: You what?
G: Whaddya know about it anyway? The only war you ever fought was the inch war!
D: No, I seen all the films ain’t I?
G: Tomato sauce and stuntmen! I’m talking about the real thing! I remember when I was a little nipper and I saw the soldiers marching off the battle and oh, yes! It was a glorious sight alright!
D: Yeah I bet all them spears and chariots must have stirred the blood!
R: Just hear him out will ya?
D: All right, all right.
G: My Brother George was was Passchendale. Nigh on half a million allied troops died there, all for 5 miles of mud. I was at Kings Cross station when his regiment came home after the Armistice. Most of them was carried off the train. I saw men with limbs missing, blind men, men who couldn’t breathe because their lungs had been shot to bits by mustard gas. [Choking back tears] While the nation celebrated they was hid away in big grey buildings, far from the public gaze. I mean, courage like that would put you right off your victory dinner wouldn’t it? They promised us homes fir for heroes, they gave us heroes fit for homes.
R: [Shaken] I’d never wear a British uniform on principle.
D: [Sombre] What principle?
R: The Russians might shoot me.
G: The politicians and military men used to con ya see? They had little lads, youngsters believing their country really did need them. They used to have little lads of 14 pretending they was 18 just so they could fight for King and country.
D: And they took the little sprogs?
G: More often than not…

The scene ends with some light jokes but I had to quote the entirety of that, it was so incredibly moving. I noted in the last episode that Lennard Pearce’s acting perhaps gets overlooked and this certainly seems to be the case. This was superb, ably supported by Nicholas Lyndhurst and David Jason who both convincingly reacted and kept things understated. Pearce’s emotion seemed deeply genuine and the words were very heartfelt. The scene was directed extremely well too. The use of camera angles in a small space was incredibly effective for showing facial expressions in the background as ones spoke, Grandad getting progressively angrier as Del spouted rubbish and then a long pan and slow zoom as Grandad poured his heart out. This was amazing to watch.

Del is brushing his teeth as they prepare for their first night in the shelter., and wonders out loud how long they’d have to stay in there if the bomb did drop. Rodney casually drops it would be 2 years, much to the fury of Del and Grandad. Rodney also figures out they’d need over 1000 batteries for the air filter. Del points out that with all that and the food required for 2 years they’ll need a warehouse to store it all in! Just as a side note here, this dilemma is indicative of the futility of shelters like this and the Protect and Survive guides that were published during the Cold War. Anyone just needs to watch Threads, When the Wind Blows or The Day After to see that’s the case.

Del says he’d rather go instantly than starve in a shelter, but Rodney points out the gruesome result of the bomb dropping, before turning the future into some sort of zombie apocalypse with mutants inhabiting the earth as a result of the radiation. He goes on though to reveal that this is essentially a fantasy for him, with repopulating the earth featuring very heavily in his plans! He’s even figured out that some expensive public schools will have shelters too, meaning schoolgirls will survive, the uniforms (nice continuity, Rodney’s love of uniforms) a bonus.

Del: You twisted, warped, corrupted little pervo!
Rodney: Well…yeah

They all bid each other goodnight, leading to an extremely well masked and well timed Waltons joke from Rodney, a genuine laugh out loud moment, but as they try and sleep, one after the other interupts with a comment or question. This is Only Fools at its best again, the patter between the family members, even in this unusual setting feeling authentic and being very entertaining. Grandad points out they won’t have any food after the war, the ground will be contaminated and animals dead. Del makes a joke about Asian run corner shops which might explain why the episode doesn’t air often. Not especially offensive but still feels very dated. Talk returns to the private girls school, much to Rodney’s delight. As I’ve said in previous weeks, I don’t recall there being this many sexual references in OF&H before, either I missed them when I was younger or they died out by later series, but it really is quite striking.

Del: The girls at these schools are the daughters of the Nobless
Rodney: What?
D: The Nobless!
R: What?!
D: French for ‘nobility’
R: Oh I was miles off

Del figures out that by selecting the right woman, he could in fact become King (or Queen, due to the radiation), and then he’d be free of the taxman! This scene is genuinely delightful too because Rodney sniggers along at his older brother’s jokes, it’s a scene you can imagine happening throughout their lives, Rodney, for all his complaints about him, idolising Del.  Del points out that they’ll have a head start too because while everyone else has nothing, they have £1000 worth of lead! Del continues to ramble about how they’ll be better off as survivors as the camera shows an external shot of the shelter and zooms out, revealing their safe place is actually on the roof of the tower block they live in.

Okay, fears allayed, this was a sparkling return to form. The comedy was right on the nail, lots of good laughs throughout and plenty of family interaction, always an absolute pleasure to watch. Lennard Pearce’s performance was astounding and I’d put his anti-war speech up against almost any other I’ve heard in television. It’s not as eloquent as some, but it speaks louder as a result, feeling like a real person sharing real emotion. As mentioned before, the setting is unusual for a domestic sitcom, but it allowed the characters to shine in their strongest suit. Del kept his slightly unlikable side with his pro-war view which fits the hardened side of his character now, but he was brought down to earth in a spectacular way as well. Additionally we got a nice, early establishment of Rodney’s social conscience here, a foreshadowing of the partial eco-warrior he became in later series.

Cash and Curry remains the best pure comedy episode I’ve watched so far, but this is a close second and in terms of acting is clearly in first place. Top notch, go out of your way to see this episode.

So it seems from the last two episodes that OF&H hit its stride early. After some early installment weirdness (perhaps?), we’ve had sharp comedy and performances going from strength to strength as characters are fleshed out and the cast became accustomed to the series. This next episode though is one I don’t ever recall seeing, which considering the amount of times some episodes are repeated is quite remarkable in itself. Let’s see what it holds.

Episode 5: A Slow Bus to Chingford

Original Airdate 6th October 1981

7 Million Viewers

Running time: 30 Minutes

I’m going to have to do some research before the next episode to see what was opposite OF&H on other channels during this period as the fluctuation in ratings is pretty high week to week even for a new series.

We open on Rodney in the flat with a girlfriend, Janice (played by Gaynor Ward, who was the girlfriend of Nicholas Lyndhurst at the time). The lights are dimmed, romantic music is playing and Rodney is very much playing the pretentious artist, speaking as though he were an expert and making out he knows David Hockney. Janice is unresponsive to this though, only noting that her brother paints too, but much to Rodney’s disappointment, he’s a painter for the council. The facade wears off pretty quickly anyhow and Rodney asks Janice to remove her bra, to which she announces she isn’t wearing one. Oh my! Maybe that’s why this episode doesn’t air much in daytime reruns?

Just as they begin to get passionate though, Del walks in and very much ruins the mood. He belittles Rodney in front of Janice (a nice callback to episode two where Rodney specifically requested his older Brother not do that in front of women they were trying to impress). Del pitches in on the artistic conversation with his own opinions, Michelangelo was a “wally brain” and the Venus De Milo is sick, mocking the disabled! Quickly changing tack though, Del asks Rodney if he still wants a job. We get some topical conversation about the 3 million unemployed in the UK at the time (take that Maggie Thatch!) leading to Del announcing he’s got Rodney a job as a security guard. Rodney is over the moon, he’s going to be a “Trainee NSO”, but his enthusiasm wanes as he realises he’s going to be a Nightwatchman and further upset when he finds out the company employing him is called ‘Trotterwatch’, he’ll be working for Del. Things continue to turn sour for Rodney as Del produces his uniform, a knocked off Traffic Warden blazer and had (TW can stand for Trotterwatch too!) that is several sizes too big. Rodney refuses initially to do the job, but Del works on his insecurities in front of Janice, implying he’s scared to take on the job and soon draws in his younger Brother. Del heads for bed, but not before cracking a joke about Rodney having bondage gear and whips, leading to Janice making a hasty exit before Rodney can explain.

YOU DIRTY ROTTEN GIT

I don’t recall their being as much BDSM based conversation in OF&H before watching the last two episodes!

We cut to Rodney’s first shift at the Bus Depo. He’s complaining to Del about the effect this job will have on his lovelife with only every second Sunday night off. Del announces he’ll take Janice out instead to make sure she doesn’t cheat on Rodney, who remains unconvinced. Changing tack with talk of Rodney’s footwear (plimsolls so he can catch criminals more effectively), Del then leaves Rodney in the dark building, stopping only to whistle eerily to scare poor Rodney out of his wits.

Back at the flat the following morning, Grandad is watching Open University (on two televisions naturally). He tells Del he used to be a security guard himself before the war. Del alludes to the fact Grandad was a crook of some sort, shocked that someone trusted him with their property. He goes on to say he worked in a big warehouse, along with a suspiciously well off floor sweeper who drove a big car and always had a new attache case. This was highly suspect to Grandad…

Grandad: Anyhow, one night as he was leaving, I stopped him and searched his attache case, it were empty. Still, unperturbed by this minor hiccup in my investigation I stopped him and searched his case every night for a whole year. Then he left.
Del: I wonder why?
G: I don’t remember. I think he claimed he was being victimised by someone, no unions in them days ya see?
D: This is it eh?
G: Coupla weeks later, Auditers came. You know what they discovered?
D: No?
G: We was missing 348 attache cases
D: You mean you’d been searching the stolen gear?
G: Yeah and I got done for it! Fingerprints! There’s a moral to this story Delboy, but for the life of me I can’t find it!

I love Grandad’s anecdotes. They’re always genuinely amusing shaggydog tales told in a very authentic manner. Lennard Pearce perhaps doesn’t get the credit he deserves next to David Jason et al for his time on the show.

Rodney is up at last, at Del’s behest, recovering from his shift. He asks Del how “I’m getting on with Janice”. Del says it’s going well, one more steak meal could crack it. I’m unclear where this plot thread is going, and I’m not sure I like it.  Rodney realises it’s still only morning and is furious at being woken, but Del elaborates on his true scheme. The tourist trade is booming, but the coach tour party trade is falling away because people are sick of the same old sights. Del has set up Trotter’s Ethnic London Tours, taking people to see the “true sights of London”. Rodney was working as a Nightwatchman so Del could have an open top bus for the tour, a family endeavour with Del as MC, Grandad distributing leaflets and Rodney as driver. Rodney, quite reasonably insists he needs sleep, he can’t work all night and then drive a bus all day, but Del promises him help, an ex-Police dog. Trouble is, that turns out to be Janice’s pet, Nero, not exactly a disciplined attack dog.

Aside from the strange Janice subplot, this was another masterful scene of moving parts. Dynamic Del selling a project to an unenthusiastic Rodney and Grandad. I was going to throw in more quotes but I would have ended up typing out the entire scene, it’s one worth looking up though!

Despite that though, I’ll say at this stage, the main plot really hasn’t grabbed me yet. The Del/Janice thing intrigues me, but I can’t put my finger on it. Is Del cheating with his Brother’s girlfriend? That doesn’t seem like something the established character would do.

We see a sign for Trotter’s Ethnic Tours on the street and the bus waiting. Noone is around, Rodney is asleep. The start time was supposed to be two and a half hours ago, but Del is unperturbed, believing the bus not to be big enough for what he has in mind. Grandad bets Del £50 that noone will turn up, Del elaborates further though, he’s charging £17 a piece for tickets (not a small sum in 1981). He’s selling Venus De Milo statues as statues of Boudica (she fell off her chariot and lost her arms). Del concedes he knows nothing about the places they’ll be visiting, but he’ll blag it. Sherlock Holmes childhood home? (Actually there may well be one of these dotted around now) The summit of Mount Pleasant? The people will be packing onto the bus soon!

Hours later, it’s dark and noone has arrived. Del though is still going strong, trying to sell the idea to Rodney and Grandad. He’ll show them Jack the Ripper’s burial place, not bothered by the fact nobody knows where that is! (Again, given the volume of awful Jack the Ripper tours around, this is probably a feature of one of them. The best established one however I went on recently and is a really interesting evening, not too graphic or gratuitous and sticking largely to facts (in the form of very well told stories)). Rodney has to go to work at the Depo so they give up for the evening.

The following morning has Grandad bringing some beers for him and Rodney, and as the bar didn’t do Pina Coladas, Del got a Mackesons. Del continues to demonstrate his ability to blag, able to make up things on the spot, including an elaborate story of how Elephant & Castle got it’s name (it involves Elephants and Castles). Quite wistfully he tells the others he’s wanted to do this for years. He’s got a dream of owning a penthouse on the South Bank with the initials of Trotter’s Independent Traders in neon letters on the roof. Through this discussion of uh…TIT, Del reveals he knows Janice doesn’t wear a bra. Rodney looks concerned that Del knows this too, but simply points out the subliminal message of Del wanting a sign that says “TIT” on his house for everyone to see. That spells the end for Del though, they return the bus. He pays up his bet with Grandad and bemoans their luck; 1000 leaflets printed and not one taker.

Mum used to say “Better to know you’ve lost than not to know you’ve won” Dear old Mum used to say some bloody stupid things

Can you subvert something that hasn’t happened yet? The Mum-on-her-deathbed quotes haven’t started yet, so this is interesting. We haven’t fallen into cliches or catchphrase at all yet. It’s a nice moment of reflection for Del’s character too and a recollection that seemed fond and genuine.

Del takes the sign for the tour to the dust chute, which just happens to be where Grandad dumped all the leaflets he was meant to distribute. Del of course is furious and chases Grandad off as the credits roll.

Well….what to say…this episode was STRANGE.

There are some highlights, the scenes in the flat as always are superbly scripted and acted, and we got some nice moments of characterisation too, but for the first time since the pilot, which was more about setting the scene than anything, we got a plot that didn’t go anywhere. Nothing happened, and the characters weren’t especially entertaining in that either.

The Del/Janice stuff remains a mystery unless it gets expanded in another episode. It only served to make Del quite unlikable though if the most obvious implication of it is true, which you don’t really want in your protagonist, especially one we’ve already established has some quite undesirable traits. A heart of gold is Del’s redeeming feature even at his worst, and in this episode he lost that in places.

The episode wasn’t bad per se, just dull, flat and uninspired, which after two great episodes is a real momentum killer. I hope it picks up next time.

Well last time I sat down to watch an episode I was full of trepidation. Then it turned out to be brilliant and now I’m excited for the next episode. In the interests of full disclosure, this is the first episode that I have very clear memories of watching as a child (albeit as a repeat), and I do remember it being good, so let’s see how it holds up!

Episode 4: The Second Time Around


Original airdate 29th September 1981
7.8 million viewers
Running time: 30 Minutes

Up half a million viewers on last week, obviously Cash and Curry made a similar impact on first airing as it had on me. The episode opens with Del & Rodney selling handkerchiefs in the market, Del is in full sales patter mode, and interestingly Rodney has his own successful sales style too. I don’t remember much being made of his abilities in this way, so that was a nice touch to see. — (What was it, does it tell us anything about his character?) —

Del excuses himself to go and get a drink at the Nag’s Head.

When he arrives, Trigger is already there. Del buys him a drink and gets a blackcurrant and Pernod (hard ‘d’) for himself. The unusual taste in drinks was already pretty well established by now, but as with so many things, parody status hasn’t been reached, it’s just a bad combination as opposed to a contrived bad combination. Joyce the barmaid from episode 1 is here too, so she was recurring for at least the first series. Trig is a bit slow and doesn’t get Del’s jokes, but he still has the streetwise, sharp side we saw in his first appearance. He tells Del that he’s just seen one of Del’s ex-fiances, which gives us a revelation.

“Which one?”

• Del has been engaged multiple times

Trig reveals it was ‘Pauline’ which brings a surprised reaction from Del. This wasn’t just any old squeeze. He reminds Trig it couldn’t be, Pauline got married and moved abroad, doing so in a slightly mournful tone, there is definitely more than meets the eye here. However it turns out she’s still in the pub. Del spies her and becomes flustered, a side we’ve yet to see of him. It humanises Del a great deal immediately. There’s no bravado here. Del wants to go over and impress her, but Trig says it’s a bad idea “after what happened last time”. Joyce says Pauline was asking after Del, wanting to know how much he was earning. Del promises Trig and Joyce he won’t get involved, he’s too shrewd, but he’s obviously smitten. Approaching Pauline he takes a drink, he’s nervous, his usual front completely stripped. Trig looks on, deeply concerned in what is a huge moment for me. As I’ve alluded so many times already, both Trig and Del, especially Trig descend into caricature in later series, so this is very gratifying to see. Trig is a real person here, worried about his friend, and that concern played totally straight, it’s a nice touch to show Del’s bond with the man.

Pauline gives Del a huge kiss, and he’s immediately under her spell. She’s flirty right away, wiping smeared blackcurrant juice of Del’s lips and then kissing again, Trig looks apoplectic across the bar. Then we get some of my beloved biographical information. It’s been 12 years since she left, which means…

• Del was 23, Rodney 10
• This all happened 2 years after their Dad left them

The guy she married is dead, and she’s been travelling since that happened. She asks if Del ever married, but he says he’s never cared enough about someone for that, except one person, Pauline. They’re just about to kiss far more romantically when Rodney arrives looking for Del.

“This is my Brother Rodney, you remember Rodney? He used to be a little scruff! Look at him now…he’s a big scruff!”

Rodney remembers Pauline, he’s very cold and flat with her. Further discussion reveals she had married again, to an American who has also passed away. Rodney does. Not. Like. Her.

“Isn’t that a shame Rodney? She’s had two husbands die on her!”

“Yeah, one more and she gets to keep the match ball”

Del sees daggers at Rodney as Pauline excuses herself, and questions his younger brother about his reaction.

Rodney remembers how damaged Del was by Pauline last time around. Del thinks things have changed. He confirms he was a mod again, and that’s the crowd they ran in together, and uses that to excuse her behaviour in cheating on Del.

Del emphasises he is a sensitive person, he’s grown up, he even cried at Love Story! Rodney says she will screw him up again. Del says he understands Rodney’s concern but tells him to shove it. There’s a quite a lot to unpack from that last little bit.

It was mostly played for laughs, but we’re seeing far more of Del’s human side here, behind the mask, so to speak, and the same goes for Rodney, seeing a man concerned for his Brother, rather than the rather hapless figure we’ve seen at times.

Back at the flat, Grandad is watching his 2 televisions. He remarks that Del is late. Rodney says he’ll ring and check the morgues, making mention of the fact Pauline is a widow twice over. Grandad is worried too, last time she came around the three of them were apparently doing quite well, but it all changed after she arrived. Del changed. They were engaged within a week and broken up within a month. Del was out getting into fights with the guys she was cheating with all the time. Grandad even says Del lost his faith afterwards, he stopped donating to the church. Del arrives back in high spirits though, carrying champagne. He and Pauline are engaged again! Rodney is fuming…

You think I’m going to celebrate my Brother getting hitched up to a gold digger?”

Del persuades Rodney that while he understands how his brother feels, he needs to do this for himself, leading Rodney to soften for a moment, before dropping the bombshell that Pauline will be moving in with them. Rodney storms to his room, Grandad is furious too.

I already feel like a broken record praising the scenes in the flat, but everyone is so brilliantly scripted and acted. Nicholas Lyndhurst is particularly coming into his own as Rodney and we’re getting to see a real, deep familial relationship. It’s just so good.

We rejoin things with Del eating steak and chips. Everyone is present but the room is silent. Pauline is sat on the corner sofa, feet up, where Rodney usually sits . Rodney, in an armchair puts his feet up on the coffee table instead, but Pauline objects, she cleaned there today! Rodney is pleased as his plimsolls won’t get dirty but one word from Pauline and Del makes Rodney move his feet.

Finishing his meal, Del announces it was “Pas de Calais”

“Been a long time since we had steak like that Rodney!”

“Hell of a long time, me and Grandad had corned beef”

Del questions Pauline on this, but she’s refusing to cook for Grandad and Rodney. It transpires she’s also hidden Grandad’s teeth, he only gets them back at mealtimes. She wants both Rodney and Grandad to go out so she and Del can have some alone time, she’s sick of everyone just sitting around. She also asks why Grandad has 2 televisions.

“The other one is being mended” 

Pauline intimates Grandad should be in a home, but Rodney is immediately on the defensive. Grandad is worried about this development, Rodney is very protective, and says they are not leaving. Pauline demands Del buy her a house then. He can’t because he isn’t registered for anything, but she has a solution, they simply put it in her name, she has the money from her life insurance payouts for her late husbands anyway. She wants Del to get life insurance too. Del is depressed by the idea as Rodney points out Pauline’s track record with husbands, but before he can comment properly, she drags Del off to the bedroom as Grandad and Rodney gesture that he’s under the thumb.

The following morning, Grandad and Rodney have packed their bags and are ready to go, just waiting for Del to get up so they can say goodbye. Pauline won’t let Rodney into their bedroom to do so though, which dismays him, that was his Mum’s room, but she remains cold to his emotional attachment. Rodney isn’t attempting to mask any of his hostility, calling her an “old bag”.

We then get a diatribe I didn’t expect from 1981…

You know why she doesn’t want us in there? It’s filled with objects of sexual torture. We’d go in and find Del bound and gagged in a rubber mask and loincloth being threatened with French lessons”

They’ve alluded to the amount of time Del and Pauline spend in the bedroom a few times in the episode, but that wasn’t something I thought I would hear.

Trig phones for Del and Pauline leaves, mid argument with Rodney. She’s off to get her ring…

“What, another one? You’ve been engaged five times and married twice!”

“Shut it Rodney”

“What is it with you anyway? Are you trying to corner the world’s gold market or just got a thing for wedding cakes?”

She storms off, but it turns out Trig (unheard or scene, David Jason acting out the conversation very realistically) has news he’s reluctant to share. Del promises he won’t tell his friend to mind his own business and stop interfering before doing exactly that before slamming the phone down. Trig told Del that Pauline’s first husband died of food poisoning, the Police investigated at the time.

Rodney and Grandad tell Del they’re leaving; heading to Auntie Rose’s in Clacton. Del is getting worried about Pauline’s plans for him now.

“Rodney, you don’t believe any of that about food poisoning do you?”

“Course not…eat your mushrooms Del”

“RODNEY!”

“Not coming back Del”

“No, hang about, I’m coming with you!”

The trio arrive at Rose’s and Del immediately has the charm on with her as they walk in, and essentially take over, changing the TV channel. Later over Dinner, Del and Rodney discuss Pauline, who Del gave 5 days to get out. They speculate that she will smash up the place. We get more French about the food from Del, it’s “Champs Elysee” apparently. This is the first episode I think where the French hasn’t been part of his sales patter. He’s generous with his money too, dishing out a large sum to Rose for taking care of them, who then wants to know who they are, which gives us a classic comic farce…

Del: Who are we?

Rodney: You mean we’ve been in your house five hours, had your Shepherds Pie and a bath each and you don’t know who we are?”

Rose: I didn’t like to ask because you seemed to know me!

Del: We’re Joanie’s boys! Well he [Grandad] isn’t, but you remember Joanie? Married Reg Trotter? You were at the Wedding!”

Rose: Don’t remember you!

Del: Course you wouldn’t remember me at me Mum’s Wedding, I was only a babe in arms.

Grandad: You said come down any time

Rose: When was this then?

Grandad: 1947

Rodney: So here we are!

Del: You must remember the wedding though? The big church in Peckham!

Rose: I’ve never been to Peckham in me life. Funny you mention though, the lady who owned the cottage before me came from Peckham

Del: [Aside] Auntie Rose has moved 

Rodney: [Aside] Well who’s this then?

Rose: Joanie….Joanie Hollins? Married a Jamaican fella? [Del and Rodney agree] Well you don’t look Jamaican!

Rodney: We’re adopted

Rose: Ohhh…would you like some Apple Pie?

Del, Rodney and Grandad return to their flat 5 days later. It’s very quiet, clean and tidy, but she’s left a note for Del. Rodney asks if she really meant that much to Del, who candidly says it wasn’t the same this time, and then very emotionally, lip quivering wonders if he’s cut out for falling in love. This was genuinely moving, David Jason superb. Rodney feels bad and confesses he put Trigger up to the phone call, they made up the food poisoning story. Del seems as though he’ll be angry, but laughs and hugs both Rodney and Grandad, however Pauline has left a sting in the tale, leaving the phone onto the talking clock in the US for 5 days running up a huge phone bill.

Well my memories were well founded, this was an excellent episode. It wasn’t quite the classic caper of of the previous week, but the scene with Rose was an excellent, genuinely funny farce and we got to see Nicholas Lyndhurst’s best perfomance to date. He and Roger Lloyd Pack as Trigger played their dislike and mistrust of Pauline dead straight which gave the episode a gritty, ‘real’ edge. Again the family interaction is just a joy to see, whether serious or comedic. That’s two great episodes in a row, and now I’m beginning to see just how it became so beloved.

Okay, so we’ve had sexism, racism, homophobia and transphobia during our opening two episodes, but I’m really hoping that we’ll have moved away from having to address issues like that soon, I await episode 3 with glee, I wonder what it was called….

Episode 3: Cash and Curry

Original airdate 22nd September 1981
7.3 million viewers
Running time: 30 Minutes

…oh boy.

A little bit of trivia to begin, apparently this episode was written title first; the whole plot developed after that pun was dreamt up. Also worth noting is the bounce of 1.2 million viewers returning, which had to settle some nerves after the decline for episode two. Anyway, on with the review:

I’ve been crashing through the doors of every Curry House and Takeaway from Battersea Bridge to Collier’s Wood Tube Station! I can now leap out of that Vauxhall Velux ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ style, make a chapati and say “Get stuffed” in Urdu!*

The Velox gets another mention here too.

Del: [Standing up and walking behind the sofa] Our late Mother, well she’s dead now, she left us this family heirloom [Walking behind Rodney] it was this Victorian globe [stroking Rodney’s hair as though this story is difficult for them to recall]

Rodney: [Wearily] Meant the world to us [Del glares at Rodney, pulls his hair a little to warn him]

Del: As he said, it meant the world to us. But their came a time we fell upon stony ground

Rodney: [Looks up in disbelief] We fell on stony ground did we?

Del: Yes, we fell on stony ground [Rodney nods sarcastically] And the only thing we had of any value was this Victorian globe we cherished!

Vimmal: You sold it?

Del: No I raffled it down the betting shop

Vimmal: But of course you know the feeling of loss?

Rodney: [Dripping with scepticism] Well not really because by some stroke of luck Del had the winning ticket [Del subtly thumps Rodney on the head]

Del: Yeah I fink it was God or summin’

“We can go anywhere where people think they can exploit the religious bigotry of two stupid immigrants”

*That distance is about 5.7 miles according to Google maps.

Thanks to all who gave feedback on twitter following my first review! Really looking forward to getting my teeth into this series now.

Episode 2: Go West Young Man

Original airdate 15th September 1981
6.1 million viewers
Running time: 30 Minutes
First appearance of John Challis as Boycie

Interesting note about this episode right away: it got the lowest viewing figures for the series. Unless a pilot is a roaring success there is usually a drop off in figures, but still, at the time a 3 million drop between episodes must have panicked Sullivan et al somewhat. Possibly the lack of any major hook to the series as yet and the fact it was very much a building block of an episode meant less return viewers, but obviously things recovered following this blip!

We open with what seems to be presented as a trademark first scene, Grandad watching his two televisions (this time both colour, albeit one very faded, the hallmark of the old tube telly on it’s last legs). At the table, Rodney is staring into space while Del shovels in his breakfast, his face buried in a copy of the Car Price Guide. Selling second hand cars is the way forward to Del Boy, and we get the first uttering of the iconic “This time next year we’ll be millionaires”. Rodney is clearly in a bad mood but Del ploughs on. Apparently the government will ban the import of foreign cars to save the UK car industry, but the Unions (a much bigger part of life and the news in 1981) will strike at this because of the apparent racism, meaning no new cars coming into the country at all, hence the demand for second hand vehicles!

Rodney is too depressed to react though, moping over his girlfriend Monica. Del urges him to phone her, Rodney is clearly happier in a relationship. We get another uncomfortable line here as Del refers to the “tart with fat thighs giving [Rodney] the elbow”, which jars a little, but with everything we know about Del to this stage, it’s fits exactly with his character. He’s a brash wheeler dealer in the early 80s, not a snowflake TV writer in 2017. Rodney denies he’s been dumped. His friend, Mickey Pearce (a first mention but not first appearance yet) advised a trial 2 week separation to sort out their differences. Del is immediately disdainful at the mention of Mickey and points out Rodney has only known her 2 weeks anyway. Arguing about Monica’s thigh’s as they leave the flat, Del drops the information he saw Mickey and Monica together at the Nag’s Head the night before, while Rodney was pining, much to his obvious chagrin.

Obviously we’re still early in the series, so there will be lots of character building information, but once again we have a masterclass from John Sullivan. We’ve established Del’s financial focus further, he longs for more than just being small time, and behind the mocking and bravado, he’s looking out for his younger brother. He wants Rodney to be happier and (reading way too much into the scene) reveals what he knows about Mickey and Monica to let Rodney know he’s been duped by his friend. Rodney is a total innocent it seems when it comes to people with ulterior motives, apart from Del.

We cut to Boycie’s first appearance, showing Del a clapped out Cortina (98,000 miles on the clock) someone brought into his car lot as a part exchange. He’s trying to sell it to Del for £50. Boycie is much more friendly with Del than in later episodes where their relationship became more antagonistic, very much speaking to Del as an equal here, despite his greater financial success in life. Del eyes up an e-type Jag in the lot, which is presenting Boycie a problem, it’s a gift for his “bit on the side” and he doesn’t want his wife to find out. Del offers his garage as a place to hide it, in exchange for halving the price of the Cortina.

Back in their garage, Del is just stowing the Jag away when an 80s/90s sitcom staple appears: the knackered old car billowing smoke and backfiring. We get ‘treated’ to our first bit of OF&H slapstick too, as Del has to dive out of the way of the Cortina as the brakes aren’t working, and Rodney nearly crashes. “What’s the matter? Brakes a bit spongy are they?” delivered deadpan is a great line from Del, but the scene feels very out of keeping with the sharp dialogue at the core of the show.

Just to state for the record, I’m not anti-slapstick, it just has to be in the right place and the right context. So far we’ve got a show grounded in realism and believable characters, and at the drop of a hat they begin acting like cartoon characters and it jars severely. Additionally the actual slapstick set piece feels tired and cliched, just very against the grain for the general tone.

Also notable is two on location, outdoor scenes in a row here, something I only recall a few times aside from market stall scenes throughout the run of the series. This may simply be a fault of memory on my part, but I recall the majority of the series being on set.

The next scene shows us a clear strength of Rodney’s. He’s spruced up the Cortina to look almost presentable, and places a sign on the window with a price of £199. Del’s plan falls into action! Enter an interested party, sporting the worst Australian accent I think I’ve heard in television. He asks about the car, dropping in supposedly comic phrases, like calling Rodney a “dingo”. Why they felt the need to make this character Australian with an English actor (Nick Stringer) lacking a gift for accents I have no idea. Possibly the idea was that a brash Aussie was more likely to ask the direct questions he poses about the car but it again falls flat. Why it couldn’t be a gruff cockney I just don’t understand?

The scene is saved however by some great writing and David Jason going into full Del sales mode. He mis-uses French phrases for the first time, dazzling with his gift of the gab. He’s taken 70,000 miles off the clock and has planted a bible in the car to support his backstory that it’s only had one careful owner, a vicar. The key here is Del says nothing of substance, it’s all non-sequitur and pointless jargon, but it’s delivered in such a snappy way it again feels like something this character would genuinely say, rather than a sitcom script. It’s a definite strength and shows the perfect marriage of actor to character. Additionally, it’s pretty clear to me, even from just one and a bit episodes, at this stage, Del’s famous mannerisms and catchphrases were part of the persona he adopts when engaged in business. I’ve a feeling later on in the series he suffered Flanderisation and these became part of the character’s actual personality, rather than just part of his sales patter and occasional delusions of grandeur.

Back at the flat, Del is counting out the money from the sale, doing his own dreadful Aussie accent as he recites a poem. I’m inclined to think this is deliberately bad, in character though as opposed to an episode-wide inability to mimic an Australian. The last word of the poem is set to be “bastard”, but Del cuts off (for obvious script reasons) to give Grandad his cut of the money. The line is delivered so smoothly though, it’s a genuine surprise and laugh when he doesn’t say the word; they really were on fire with Del’s scenes in the flat at this stage.

As Grandad and Del discuss Rodney’s relationship woes, we get a truly wonderful exchange. It doesn’t add anything to the plot, but once again we get a truly down to earth portrayal of the family we’re getting to know.

“You wouldn’t remember when I married your Grandmother?”
[Del stares] “No”
“Well the first night when we was married, we was in bed and well, y’know Del…”
“What?”
“Well…doin’ what you do when the lights are out”
“Holdin’ a séance was ya?”
“No, you know what I mean! Anyway, right in the middle of it, d’you know what she said to me?”
[Del shakes his head] “Go on, what?”
“She said “What do you fancy for dinner tomorrow?””
“What do you fancy for dinner tomorrow?!?”
“Bad innit!?”
“Bet that didn’t ‘appen to Omar Sharif. What did you say?”
“Steak n kidney pudden I fink”
“Isn’t love wonderful?”

Just a superb scene.

Rodney emerges all dressed up, determined to get over Monica, with plans to head to some clubs up west. He tries to play the big ‘I am’, talking about his apparently booming social life, all the while essentially begging Del to come with him for support. He’s also skint, but not willing to take the money from Del’s sale of the dangerous Cortina. Del strings Rodney along for a bit before deciding to join him. We get a nice touch showing that Rodney is more canny than he seems as he bemoans the fact they’ll have to go to these fancy clubs in the three wheeled van, to the point Del decides they’ll use Boycie’s jag, only realising as they leave that Rodney had led him right into that decision. Again, more excellent character and relationship building.

Despite Rodney’s former statements that he knew all the best clubs to go to, we first join the brothers in a very dull establishment. An extremely camp waiter takes their order, with Del ordering a ridiculous cocktail, again setting up what would be a long running gag for the show. Then we hit a roadblock. the last episode you may remember presented us with some uncomfortable attitudes to women and race, this week is the turn of homosexuality as Del declares the waiter is “a bandit” and says they should dance with their backs against the wall. The laugh track plays, but it’s clashingly and glaringly unfunny in 2017.

Conversation thankfully turns back to Monica, and we discover the reason she dumped Rodney. She thought he was warped. Why? Because he has a uniform fetish (something else I seem to remember being an occasionally recurring gag). Nicholas Lyndhurst portrays Rodney’s fetish quite well, with a wide-eyed innocence and infatuation rather than seeming perverted. The best part of this interaction though is Del’s reaction. Largely unphased by his younger Brother having such a fantasy, except for the fact it’s a police uniform he likes. Del clearly disdains the police.

We then get another slightly uncomfortable scene, something happening shockingly often at the moment. Del and Rodney’s attention is taken by two women at the bar. Del heads to chat them up as Rodney sits back to admire the masterclass in seduction that will surely ensue. Del returns…

“Drink up, we’re leaving”
“Coupla Ravers?
“Coupla Geezers”

It’s an older British comedy staple, that of mistaking men in drag for women, but while it just didn’t sit right with me here, it didn’t have the same unpleasant edge of the earlier homophobic comments. The comedy wasn’t mocking the crossdressing pair, rather it was focused on Del and Rodney’s discomfort at the situation, they were the fall guys, and so there was no inherent unpleasantness. This was very much a product of it’s time and with more enlightened attitudes to gender now, it seems highly unlikely this scene would get written now.

We rejoin Del and Rodney in a different club. Rodney apologises for having taken them to a gay bar. Del’s insecurities and image conscious nature surface here as he threatens Rodney pretty harshly if any of those events were to get spread around.

Again their attention is taken by two girls, this time things seeming much more hopeful, and we get our first continuity error in our SECOND EPISODE. Rodney asks Del not to put him down in front of the girls. Del in exchange requests Rodney not tell them he’s 35.

• Del is 35, not 36 as was implied last week. This is even worse than last week, as it means Del Trotter is only 3 years older than me and I feel quite upset about that.

Del starts to chat the girls up with Rodney largely a bystander. The girls seem to poke fun at Del’s attempts to impress them by claiming Rodney is a professional tennis player, but again his gift of the gab and charm shine through (despite Rodney’s statement that he’s never smokes astroturf when asked if he prefers it to grass). It obviously works as we soon see the brothers travelling home with the roof down on the jag, having got the girls’ phone numbers.

Del requests a celebratory cigar from Rodney, and again we see he’s not the gibbering parody that he might get presented as sometimes, as Del uses “Je ne sais quoi” correctly. All seems to be going swimmingly until Rodney realises the cigar pack he threw away had the girls’ numbers on it (oh, the days before mobile phones). Del jams on the brakes of the car, only to have the car behind plough into the back of them, smashing up Boycie’s e-type. And of course, to bring the episode full circle, the man who crashed into them is the fake Australian in the Cortina with the dodgy brakes, which leads to a disappointingly slapstick finish as he chases them down the street in fury.

So, what to say in summary? This was a real mixed bag; there were a LOT of weaknesses. Dated jokes that really taint things and the introduction of physical comedy which jars when compared to the better parts of the episode were big letdowns. Two of the most well remembered moments in OF&H were physical, visual jokes, so obviously it remained a fixture of the series, but these felt especially low rent, and really out of keeping, as though they were added to keep an executive happy somewhere, although I have no evidence for that. I’m going to put that down to ‘Early-Installment Weirdness’ at this phase, but I reserve the right to change that judgement as the series proceeds.

The better parts of the episode were very good though. It was nice to see Boycie act like a human being, the in-flat conversation was superbly sharp and entertaining and the non-homophobic comedy in the clubs was well constructed and produced a greater number of laughs than episode one. As this episode was the lowest rated of the series, things obviously climbed again for episode three, so it’s pretty clear viewers responded positively as well. For myself, I’m really looking forward to seeing more of the family conversation because of how good those scenes are, but I’m now also interested to see what other elements Sullivan et al threw at the wall to see what would stick as the series progresses.